Above, you see a list of things that I have accepted about myself. These are the things that define me.
The way that I arrived at this particular list was by talking with a very supportive friend. I’d say something like “innovator”, and they’d say, “What else?” We talked about ways that I’ve helped people, and affected their lives.
Many people have trouble naming good things about themselves. They often tell themselves they’re just being humble, but sometimes they don’t feel worthy of recognition, even their own.
Previously, we talked about accepting the truth. This is part of that. To positively change your reality, you have to recognize that you really are worthy. You are Enough!
If you’re going to make lasting positive changes in your reality, you have to build a lasting positive image of yourself. Right now, I’m going to share some pragmatic exercises and a brief meditation to help you.
Before I do, let’s refresh what’s happening. The things you’re about to do are meant to change your Reticular Activating System. That’s the part of your brain that reinforces your beliefs. It does this by filtering out things that disagree with them.
To change it, you have to make it understand that you believe you are beautiful, powerful and intelligent. You have to tell it what’s true. If you don’t, it will continue to reinforce your old beliefs of unworthiness.
Making a List
Beginning the process requires that you have something to refer to. That’s what the list is about. Here are some questions to help you get started. When you can, have someone you trust, and who wants the best for you, talk with you about these questions.
- How have you made a positive difference to someone?
- As a child, what activities really made you joyful?
- What are your strengths? Are you artistic? analytical? super organized? crafty? Do you like to cook? write? tell stories?
- What things make you angry or sad? How does this reflect positive aspects of your personality? empathy? sensitivity? strength?
- When you say, “I’m not good enough, because…”, are you lying to yourself?
When you’ve finished making this list, you should be feeling pretty good about yourself. Most people are surprised at how quickly the list grows, and how validating it is. Why is it so hard to realize such marvelous things about ourselves? .
This meditation is designed to help you do that.
To begin, take your list and find a place where you can have some uninterrupted time. It doesn’t have to be long. Even five minutes a day can make a tremendous difference.
Now, make yourself comfortable. There is no specific posture that you need to affect. The aim is to access the RAS, nothing more or less. You’re going to rejoice in your own greatness for a few minutes.
To focus your mind, take a moment to attend your breathing, or anything else that will hold your concentration. Do this for 30 seconds or so. (No need to be exact.) Some people count slowly. Others find a sound to grab onto.
When you feel it’s time, begin to read your list aloud. Before each attribute, say the words, “I am”. I am visionary. I am healthy. I am amazing! – because you are.
Next, look at the first thing there and close your eyes. Think about why that attribute is true of you. Dwell on it and emphasize it. Absorb the truth of it, like a sponge absorbs water. This thing is absolute and essential to who you are. It is one of your defining characteristics.
When you’ve examined the first thing, move on to the next. It doesn’t matter if you get through the whole list. You can pick up in that place next time. The main thing is to understand that you are greater than you ever realized, and that you are worthy of the good.
When you’ve gone as far as you can in this session, take one moment and think of something that you’re grateful for. It can be anything. Hold it up in your mind. Examine it and think of all the reasons you’re thankful for it. Then, say the words aloud, I’m grateful for__________ because ________.
To end your meditation, breathe in, slowly, to the count of three. Exhale to three. Then, repeat.
These meditations can be super effective. Naturally, the more frequently you can do them, the more effective they become.
At some point, though, you’ll face off against your own self-doubt. Those old beliefs will rise up and try to drag you back into your old mindset.
You have a powerful tool on your side, though – The List.
That list of positive attributes is key to killing self-doubt and negativity, because you know that everything on it is true. If you worked on it with a friend, you even have a witness who can back you up.
Whenever negative thoughts creep into your psyche, you can respond, “That isn’t me.” Remembering your list, you can truthfully say, “This is who I am!”
You may be surprised at how quickly the RAS opens up to let in all kinds of reinforcement to these new truths. You’ll hear people saying positive things about you. Supportive magazine and internet articles will appear.
Follow Your Intuition
As the RAS allows new things in, you’ll find yourself having new ideas. Follow them.
One woman I know is very creative. As her RAS brought her new information, she decided to take a class in glass making. This did a few things for her. The first was that it moved her into a new circle of friends, who are creative and supportive.
Another was to bolster her self-confidence. As she mastered each new technique and learned about different kinds of glass, etc., she gradually became someone that others came to with questions – and she was able to answer them!
Of course, all of this caused her RAS to allow even more new information into her consciousness. She is now on a rising trend of artistry, leading to a nice income opportunity, as well.
Connect With Supportive People
I’m not telling you to join a support group. My experience is that those are often a drag on your progress, rather than a help.
MeetUp is a great source for finding people who share similar interests to yours. You can surf the groups until you find one that you like.
If you enjoy learning new things, local supply stores are a good resource. For drawing classes, check with art supply stores. Fabric stores can lead you to a sewing class.
Remember, the more you focus on your happiest self, the more your RAS is going to give you.
As you move into areas that you can excel in, you’ll see a lot more success. You also become more knowledgeable about things that really interest you.
Getting involved in activities that you’re good at also brings you into contact with people who share your interests. You’re able to build new friendships.
Along that line, the people who used to bring negativity into your life will fall away. If they cant keep you on their level, they will lose interest and fade out of your life.
This, in turn, decreases your own self-criticism, because there are fewer outside influences pushing negativity into your mind.
Relax Into It
Every day, either in the morning as you wake up, or in the evening, while you’re drifting off, focus on your happiest self. This is the person you really are. Build a strong, accurate image, and your RAS will help you shed the garbage.
In the meanwhile, Enjoy the Life you’re living.